Articles by Ramon Ramirez - The Daily Dot

Main Character of the Week: Sonya Massey

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 27 Jul 2024 11:00:00 +0000

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

It’s Sonya Massey, the Illinois woman who was fatally shot by the police.

Viral bodycam footage of her death reverberated online this week. It sparked the sort of hashtag-driven online activism that’s been prevalent since 2012.

In it, Massey calls the police suspecting an intruder. The officers enter her Springfield home. They notice a pot of boiling water and fear that she will throw it on them. And so after a warning, a white deputy, Sean Grayson, shoots her in the face.

Her family has said that the 36-year-old was a paranoid schizophrenic. She seemed to threaten officers by telling them in her kitchen that she’ll “rebuke” them “in the name of Jesus.” But she begins to kneel with her hands up. As the Guardian reported this week:

“You better [expletive] not, I swear to God I’ll [expletive] shoot you right in your [expletive] face,” Grayson warned.

Massey can be heard saying, “I’m sorry,” as Grayson continues to advance. “I’m sorry,” she says again as Grayson fires three shots, striking her with a bullet below the eye that exited from the back of her neck.

“What else can we do?” Grayson asks his partner. “I’m not taking hot boiling water to the [expletive] face.”

Grayson is facing three charges of first-degree murder and remains in custody.

I’ve been an editor at the Daily Dot since 2014 and we’ve covered the hashtag activism tragedies about officer-involved shootings, one after the other.

From Trayvon Martin to George Floyd. Michael Brown. Freddie Gray. Breonna Taylor. Laquan McDonald. These are just the officer-involved shootings that I can immediately recall.

In 2020, the news was driven by the coronavirus, the presidential election, and Black Lives Matter protests. A year prior we’d introduced Americans to Karens, or irrationally angry white people who weaponized their fear by, say, calling the cops on a Black man who is bird-watching.

Yet we failed to cover the Massey news.

It’s my fault: Our web traffic comes chiefly from Google Discover. Its algorithm whitelists legacy, trusted news publishers like the Washington Post, the New York Times, Reuters, and Associated Press when it comes to world-shaking events.

So if we dedicate news resources to the Massey story, we’ll get no Discover traffic. All we can do is find side quest stories that serve as appetizers for the main news course. Like singer Solange tweeting about the tragedy.

But no, “celebrity tweets about tragedy” is a very 2014 story. It’s boring and we aren’t going to beat TMZ. Or entertainment publishers such as Vibe magazine, BET, and Yahoo. So the challenge is: Go deep on a big trending topic and find a scoop.

We didn’t search for one, to our news menu’s detriment.

This is likewise because, while the Trending news team has 27 active contributing reporters and 10 of them are Black women, our full-time team is thin, buried, and not diverse enough at the top. And also because the sad news left me, the managing editor with a decade of these stories under his belt, not feeling the urgency of the moment. Not because I was grief-stricken, which I remain, but because I didn’t see a path to clicks.

And that’s another tragedy: Americans are unsurprised by the statistics, cynical, and therefore less likely to care. Or write their elected officials a letter. Or share a link on Facebook.

I pledge to do better next time.

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Main Character of the Week: The viral traveler who missed her flight

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 20 Jul 2024 11:00:00 +0000

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is shocking, like the woman who says her dentist assumed she wanted veneers and shaved down her real teeth without consent; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

It’s the viral traveler who missed her flight.

A woman from Los Angeles was in a rush to see her ailing father in Guatemala. But she says the Delta counter workers abused their power and left her and her service dog stranded. The story compelled TikTok because of its divisive, inconclusive nature.

As the woman, Erika Miranda (@musicalridela), alleged in her clip: “Delta employees canceled my flight! My dad was dying of cancer at any minute, and I was flying to Guatemala to go be with him. They discriminated against me, not caring my dad was dying even after I told them several times, they canceled my flight! #Deltaairlines your employees did something cruel and illegal.”

We’ve reached out to Delta and the TikToker about the details, but what followed in the nearly 3-minute video were a series of disagreements at the counter.

She was delayed checking into her flight because of rules violations with her service dog, which didn’t have sufficient vaccination paperwork to board and so was being picked up by a family friend. (Miranda disputed this and claimed to have the vaccine records on-hand.)

Eventually, per the TikTok’s comments, she took a later flight and yes, was able to see her father before he passed away. A family friend bought her a ticket for the following day.

It is a peak travel season, and everyone’s going on vacation with their phones out; emotionally ready to document the horror of administrative gridlock. There seems to be more stress about the strains of getting there in anticipation of our trips. And who can blame us?

Just last week, a woman’s visit to SeaWorld compelled the internet when she was asked to get on a scale at the top of a waterslide.

Travelers are sneaking dogs aboard this summer, Sandals stays are turning suspicious, stranded travelers get stuck in the airport for 24 hours, jet-ski rentals are scamming customers, folks are losing tickets last-minute in nightmare fashion, a dang Diet Coke at Six Flags costs $9, and Southwest Airlines is destroying your luggage.

But it’ll be OK, brothers and sisters. Just remember that you alone are in control of your experience in this life, so set that attitude dial to “positive” and go use that PTO.

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Main Character of the Week: Woman unfairly profiled at SeaWorld’s waterpark

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 13 Jul 2024 11:00:00 +0000

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is heartwarming, like the guy who mistook a Cybertruck for a dumpster; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

It’s the woman who was unfairly profiled at SeaWorld’s waterpark, Aquatica.

A San Antonio woman took her family to SeaWorld because it’s the summer and theme parks remain an efficient way to spend an afternoon with children. Of course, no one ever really wants to go to these places besides children but it’s something we reluctantly actualize.

So this woman gets to the top of the waterslide, and we all know what an exhausting side quest it is just to ride these dang things, and is told to get on the scale.

I’m sorry? Are we in middle school?

There is little more damaging to the psyche than being forced to jump on a scale in front of your peers. It is an unacceptable act of degradation that should have been left behind in a sixth-period gym class 20 years ago.

I remember playing Pop Warner football and worrying that I weighed more than the allotted poundage and wouldn’t be able to play as a starting defensive lineman in a pointless football game where all the teams wore Dallas Cowboys stars on their helmets anyway.

You can probably guess where this is going: After wandering in the desert for 40 years and getting to the front of the stupid ride, this woman was forced to weigh herself and then walk by herself away from her children and back to the bottom.

She claims that she is not in fact over the weight requirement for these rides, and this was a two-person raft so she’s likely correct, and so what seems most likely is that a power-tripping 19-year-old lifeguard made an example out of her.

Sure, regulations matter. But I can’t understand why there’s a scale at the end of the line for a waterslide at SeaWorld. Why not put the scale at the beginning of the line? Before you embark on a Homeric quest up a tower, holding an inflatable tire?

We’ve reached out to SeaWorld about this.

Anyway, this mother made a TikTok video about the incident and went viral because her story is timely, relatable, and upsetting. As adults, we still live with the insecurities of our high school experience, and being forced to confront this at an amusement park resonated with many.

Never mind that Seaworld should definitely no longer exist.

Surely, this is an opportunity for management to find a better way when it comes to the logistics of these rides. One that does not involve singling out customers and humiliating them in front of other patrons.

It’s funny—my brother asked this week if I’d like to join his family at a waterpark in Pflugerville, Texas on Sunday. I politely declined. So did my parents—i.e. Grandma and Grandpa. Waterparks are overwhelmingly unpleasant once you hit age 13.

The internet is chaotic—but we’ll break it down for you in one daily email. Sign up for the Daily Dot’s web_crawlr newsletter here to get the best (and worst) of the internet straight into your inbox.

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Main Character of the Week: Woman who refuses to put shopping carts away

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 06 Jul 2024 11:00:00 +0000

Main Character of the Week: Woman who refuses to put shopping carts away

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is heartwarming, like the Gen Alpha mewers; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

It’s the woman who refuses to return her shopping cart in the parking lot.

A new lesson in how to use the internet came to us recently via a lede from longtime Daily Dot contributing reporter Brooke Sjoberg, who wrote: “In the sphere of social media, even the most innocuous statements can quickly draw the ire of a large group of people.”

@drlesliedobson, a psychologist and TikTok creator, did just that when she said that she doesn’t return shopping carts because she doesn’t want to leave her children alone. This began an online firestorm of outraged viewers who couldn’t accept this and found it to be a selfish gesture.

“I’m not returning my shopping cart and you can judge me all you want,” she said. “I’m not getting my groceries into my car, getting my children into the car, and then leaving them in the car to go return the cart. So if you’re going to give me a dirty look, [expletive] off.”

In a vacuum, an understandable decision was made on behalf of her flock. But did you know that there is such a thing as the shopping cart theory? And that this woman failed the theory’s test because it asserts that returning shopping carts to either the storefront or at least those in-lot containers for shopping carts is an act of honor and failing to do so reveals a selfish person?

The week was hurried, and there are some other main characters we should mention, too: Vice President Kamala Harris, the nail customer who was laughed at and sparked a referendum on the very idea of visiting these salons, the landlord who rented out fans to his tenants amid a heatwave, the Ninja air fryer, Dua Lipa at Glastonbury.

As for Shopping Cart Lady, I would love to put my thumb on the scale here and take a passionate position but clearly, it’s OK to put your children first.

I think that’s the point of the shopping cart theory: There will always be mothers with toddlers and any number of circumstantial reasons not to return the cart, and so it is up to the rest of us!

I don’t leave the H-E-B parking lot every other week without returning at least 5 shopping carts per outing to account for the single mother or injured Iraq veteran who wasn’t able to participate.

And this holiday week, I encourage my fellow patriots to join in with me.

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Main Character of the Week: Woman who had poor customer service on American Airlines

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 29 Jun 2024 11:00:00 +0000

Main Character of the Week is a weekly column that tells you the most prominent “main character” online (good or bad). It runs on Fridays in the Daily Dot’s web_crawlr newsletter. If you want to get this column a day before we publish it, subscribe to web_crawlr, where you’ll get the daily scoop of internet culture delivered straight to your inbox.

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is heartwarming, like the DoorDash drivers who lie about their gender; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

“If you haven’t experienced discrimination, or being treated differently, because of the color of your skin, you’re not going to understand or see through my lens or feel how I feel,” our Main Character of the Week said on social media.

This story was cut-and-dry but layered: A Black woman, Kaneisha Collins (@collinskaye), booked a seat upgrade and she had a poor customer experience aboard American Airlines when she found a white woman in her seat. She took to social media to note that she felt discriminated against, and because of the racial element, American Airlines responded.

As the airline told us this week: “We want all of our customers to have a positive experience during their travels with us. This customer flew in the cabin for which she purchased an upgrade and in the same seat assigned at the time of the upgrade’s purchase. A member of our team has been in contact with the customer to learn more about her experience, including the upgrade purchase process.”

An airline rep later told Collins: “We don’t tolerate any type of discriminatory behavior from our passengers or employees.” Collins says the airline gave her a full refund. Collins did not respond to our request for comment.

“Bless your heart for remaining that calm with all that disrespect going on,” a viewer of her viral TikTok wrote. It had 1 million pageviews at the time of publication.

The story landed like a bomb and sparked discussion because of the emotions it carries.

Summer travel is stressful enough, and as a Mexican-American man with brown skin, being at the center of a public misunderstanding aboard an international flight to Italy from Philadelphia seems like my worst nightmare.

Last week I flew to Mexico City for a family reunion. I know that in a post-9/11 world being on my best behavior at the airport is paramount. I’m one of those ridiculous blowhards who has a problem with authority to begin with. The airport makes me nervous because I feel the need to suppress how I think and feel at all times.

I always fly out of San Antonio because it’s cheaper than my hometown of Austin, Texas. It is a very traditional city with a high population of fellow Hispanics but who are more socially conservative. Many of them serve in the military and the police. So I fit in by wearing my “Salute to Service” Dallas Cowboys cap. I sit up straight. I tip the shuttle driver. I’ll triple-check my luggage to make sure I left my vape at home. Smile, wave, nod, answer questions with “ma’am” and “sir.”

The airport is rich with comfortable and young white people who can afford to travel regularly, many of whom are so at home at the airport that they wear pajamas. The airport is a playground for white people; for non-white people, it is a courtroom and we’re on trial at all times.

It’s easy to relate to and feel empathy for the TikTok creator who felt singled out and profiled amid what was likely an earnest collective misunderstanding. It wasn’t a racist incident yet it was a racial matter, insofar as everything is one when you’re a minority of color in the U.S. who is trying to enjoy the white man’s playground world, too.

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Main Character of the Week: Woman who had the most ‘standoffish’ job interview ever

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 22 Jun 2024 11:00:00 +0000

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is bonkers, like a movie attendee who said a worker pressured them to leave 'Inside Out 2' before it was over; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week:

It’s the woman who returned to the workforce after years away and had the weirdest job interview for an office gig. As we reported this week:

“I’ve never been treated like that before,” Lauren, the woman who went viral for subjecting herself to a wild interview to the tune of more than a million views on her TikTok, said. “Do you have to ask for consent now to shake somebody’s hand? What the hell?”

As she tells it, her interaction was cold, unorthodox, and oddly passive-aggressive. Her business casual outfit was criticized for revealing her shoulders. The interviewer was “standoffish” and inhospitable. The vibes were off which matters because the interviewer should be a hospitable ambassador for the organization she’s joining.

Instead, she refused to shake her hand. Silver lining: She got the job and turned it down.

The video was deeply relatable with commenters sharing their gross first impressions at job interviews. The lesson is to always trust your gut.

I remember interviewing for a door-to-door sales job with a guy who had an electric bass at work and sold me on his live-hard, play-hard vision for his team. I am a workaholic but I couldn’t buy into his false enthusiasm for opportunist upselling, even as a broke and desperate man in his 20s.

I remember getting a job fundraising for a political candidate as a 19-year-old and the guy who interviewed me didn’t understand the community he was sent to target. And he seemed smugly running for his next job, not actually bought into community organizing.

I was not a good fit and was passive-aggressively cut three weeks later.

When I got to the Daily Dot in 2014, I interviewed with three editors who were smarter, faster, stronger journalists than I was. I couldn’t wait to learn from them and develop my skills.

Every opportunity to go above and beyond was me doing so because it seemed fun. Ten years later I’m the only gainfully employed journalist left in the group chat.

Fit is everything.

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Main Character of the Week: Mom (allegedly) charged for school supplies her son broke

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 15 Jun 2024 11:00:00 +0000

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is heartwarming, like the guy who always stops at Hiltons on a road trip; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

It’s the woman behind the low-stakes hoax of the summer. A Mom influencer told the Internet that her child’s teacher requested $370 in school supplies that her boy supposedly trashed.

It came via a Venmo request. The mom said that her son was singled out for breaking school supplies and decorations that his teacher had paid for out of pocket. However, the video was labeled as satire in the hashtags, which most viewers missed, and the supposed screenshot of the Venmo request did not hold up to scrutiny as it was an invoice for a place that does not exist.

So if the story were true, the momfluencer would be the main character of the week on her own merits. This is a surprising gesture from presumably a public school servant who triggers discussion and debate. Who even does this? Has anyone else been asked to pay for their child destroying school property? And so on.

You know how 85% of Venmo requests are petty and unwarranted? That’s why I refuse to engage with this penny-pinching technology that turns us into carefree cheapskates violently invoicing their friends for Chipotle. So too does this story have two compelling perspectives. The righteous educator asking for what’s hers and deserving it because she is a selfless public servant vs. the unorthodox and brazen request.

Too bad it was likely falsified for views. (Mom didn’t get back to us.)

And it’s a recurring TikTok pattern of inventing anecdotes for attention. Recently actor Glen Powell of Top Gun fame and other films I have not seen told an urban legend about a cannibal serial killer that his friend's sister supposedly encountered. I have seen the story told by at least two comedians in podcast snippets that have appeared on TikTok in the past six months. But it’s the tall tale’s stranger than fiction-esque angle that creates the precious plausibility that one needs in order to ignite curiosity.

The other day a woman stole a female comedian's joke and passed it off as her own personal experience. Most viral TikToks that feature lots of white text and are short in length seem to contain a lot of the same overlapping affirmations, anecdotes, jokes, and half-truths.

At least we sparked a little debate and chewed the fat in the process.

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Main Character of the Week: Spirit Airlines traveler who went through an emergency landing

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 11:00:00 +0000

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is heartwarming, like the guy campaigning to be a WNBA trophy husband; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

It’s the Spirit Airlines traveler who went through an emergency landing and posted about it.

As citizens of the internet focus their attention on summer travel, they plan with more conventional wisdom than ever thanks to American social media. Carnival Cruise vacays will be rowdy. Airbnbs will be booby-trapped. You can get free Cottonelle toilet paper from Marriotts you aren’t staying at. You can always crash a Hampton Inn breakfast buffet. Flight attendants won’t let you on if you seem too drunk. American Airlines passengers say the airline has been on a cold streak of perpetually delaying flights.

Then there is Spirit. The airline is known for being the Megabus of the skies: It’ll get budget-conscious travelers to their destination 7 times out of 10.

But recently, a flight out of Montego Bay, Jamaica to Florida resulted in an emergency landing. And the immediate aftermath of the scene, as told by the passengers via social media, proved sobering.

You, the American news consumer, have no doubt heard the phrase before. And on TV it’s usually like “The Delta flight had a malfunction and had to make an emergency landing 20 minutes in. No one aboard died.” And you think nothing of it and resume knitting.

Yet here Spirit customers didn’t mince words about the harshness of their experience: “People screaming, people over here praying, I’m crying like h*** because I literally thought I was going to die,” a passenger, Will, recounted via viral TikTok.

Shortly after takeoff, the pilot said they’d have to go back to Montego Bay, according to accounts. Shortly after that, the pilot changed his tune and used the phrase “please prepare for an emergency water landing” and everyone understandably freaked out while scrambling to put on their life jackets.

“When people tell you about Spirit Airlines, they telling you for a f***ing reason,” Will, who said his life jacket broke as he tried to fasten it on his person, continued. “Do not travel Spirit Airlines, especially international. That was the worst f***ing experience of my life, my most near-death experience.”

Another Spirit traveler aboard the same flight said that her subsequent flight back to the U.S. had problems too. And then she only got a $50 voucher for her near-death troubles.

The story itself was at first localized in the Jamaican press before viral videos elevated its profile to the likes of USA Today and CNN two days later.

To this point, Spirit viral news has been about World Star-esque tomfoolery such as its employees allegedly stealing customers’ designer bags. It’s been said that flying Spirit is a “humbling” experience. And when they cancel your flight, the hotel vouchers apparently can be hit-or-miss.

At least the guy who had to wait onboard a Spirit flight for seven hours and posted about it eventually got to his destination.

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Main Character of the Week: Mom who filmed herself baking and set off a firestorm

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 01 Jun 2024 11:00:00 +0000

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is heartwarming, like Jenny Nicholson’s; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

It’s the mom who filmed herself baking… and then unexpectedly caused an Internet firestorm about ex-partners, lies, Scientology, children, and birthday cupcakes.

This one tests the limits of that old adage “there are two sides to every story.” Here, I don’t think the truth is subjective because it sure seems like one person is lying through their teeth. But as it stands, no one quite knows who to believe. Here’s the deal.

The mom in question posted a TikTok showing her baking birthday cupcakes for herself. People do that nowadays. They film their individual activities and share it as public content whether it be working out or playing video games. If they go to the deli they film themselves walking to a deli with a caption that reads like “come with me to the deli” and then they narrate the details. It’s of course shocking behavior that has been normalized in the era of filming personal B-roll so that you can post inspiring captions on top of it and make a point about society.

Anyway, her point was odd and it went viral because it was a little suspect–being a single mom means baking your own birthday dessert just so that your kids can watch you blow out the candles and delight in that universal gesture. Sure. Here’s where it gets weird.

The ex-husband made his own TikTok in response and said hey this woman is a deadbeat who owes $20,000 in child support and I have sole custody of our children and she goes out all the time and is not a very attentive parent.

We call this phenomenon a “milkshake duck” situation where a viral and sympathetic person quickly becomes revealed as a problematic opportunist by someone from their past who comes forward.

But during Memorial Day weekend, she accused him of being an abusive Scientologist who caused her to have a mental breakdown. In both videos, the man and woman shared photographs of court documents. But while it’s clear that this was a contentious separation, two probable dynamics forced viewers to choose sides based on who they think was being most not only truthful (every accusation levied by both parties may well have occurred) but had a perspective that was most in touch with reality.

And we have strongly differing perceptions: This is either an infamous church and/or its disciples once again imposing its will on an outsider and subjugating their agency, or this was another attention-seeking creator who was and is bending over backward for validation in an effort to gain likes.

“Your past does not define you,” she said in a recent TikTok, where she credits “getting the help that I needed” with turning the page on her life and moving on (as she cleans the kitchen). “Your mistakes are not who you are."

It’s one of 11 TikToks she's posted in the past weeks to her now 276,300 followers. Many of them show her children and show her in idyllic mom mode, packing school lunches. In one of said posts, she said she was “terrified for her life” and was done posting.

“For my babies & their safety I will say nothing” she wrote on her TikTok bio, referring to the safety of her children.

In an email to Daily Dot reporter Charlotte Columbo, Elizabeth claims she just “wants this to stop.”

“He has done this to me for so long and all I care about is my children,” she wrote. “I don’t want him getting hate either because that is not what my page has ever been about. But I don’t deserve what he has been posting. I’m just a mom who posts on TikTok for fun. And what he did isn’t OK.”

Her ex-husband has deleted the TikTok profile that he made, @inventingelizabeth. I’d love your read on whom you’re inclined to believe and why. I’m ramon@dailydot.com.

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Main Character of the Week: Carnival customer who had her $15k trip canceled

Ramon Ramirez — Sat, 25 May 2024 11:00:00 +0000

The internet is a stage, and someone unwillingly stumbles onto it weekly. This makes them the “main character” online. Sometimes their story is heartwarming, like the Orlando Four Seasons baby; usually it’s a gaffe. In any case, that main character energy flows through the news cycle and turbo-charges debate for several business days.

Here’s the Trending team’s main character of the week.

It’s the woman who booked the presidential suite at a Carnival Cruise, had her order unceremoniously canceled days before her $15,000-plus trip, and was then not refunded by Carnival.

So she explains this in a seven-minute TikTok that freaks a nation of Americans about to embark on their respective summer vacations. Days later, a travel expert IDs the problem. And she’s got an urgent tip for seasonal travelers as a result.

“I know you get excited about a cruise, you take a screenshot, you post it on social media. If someone is a crazy bad person, they look up your information and they can cancel your cruise,” she warns.

So don’t post about your confirmation number like our main character of the week. And not for nothing, the expert warns, this is why you should still consider travel agents.

But viewers were mostly outraged at Carnival Cruise overall, lambasting its booking security or lack thereof in online comments and calling it “the Walmart of cruising."

And that’s really what this main character of the week revealed: Carnival has a ways to go despite, as our travel expert noted: “cracking down on twerking and fighting on its ships by charging fighters a $500 fine and cruise directors stopping dancing customers whenever they began twerking.”

Me? I’ve always enjoyed Carnival cruises' reputation as the everyman’s vacation.

Ultimately it seems to share all the same ports as Royal Caribbean and I enjoy the festive atmosphere that blends enormous families with rowdy spring breakers. The chaos works because everyone can bust a move on the dance floor during Motown night, there is a generic sports bar full of televisions that will get you weirdly invested in a rugby match, and who doesn’t love to accompany every meal with five slices of cheese pizza?

The Carnival Cruise is the most quintessentially American experience possible. Everyone now takes their niche topic of interest, like the band Creed, to the high seas.

The Carnival cruises are a reminder that America is a populist place where you can win a trivia night on the same ad-hoc team as a Trump voter and appreciate how their perspective rounds out your squad.

I don’t understand why Carnival feels the need to change its reputation. You can’t fix that unless you want to be one of those weird Viking ships that promise no children, peace, and the tranquil armchair tourism of historical landmarks. How is that any more fun than doing so via double-decker bus?

Vacations work best when they are fun and you get a change of pace or scenery. What better than a Carnival cruise then?

Unfortunately, we are a generation that drives to rural Oregon to have the best hamburger in the world so that we can post. Millennials are on a perpetual Homeric quest for authenticity—it’s why we can be so precious about cruises and look down on them because Carnival sets hourly expectations rooted in excess.

After a few days at sea you yearn for shopping so you buy another cruise while on the cruise. And when you port in a colonialist-ransacked country like Honduras or Haiti most passengers sprint for the comfort of a beach excursion that’s rich with Coca-Cola.

Haitians are not allowed on these resort grounds themselves, a cruel byproduct of the vacation industrial complex, and I fault not one for avoiding cruises on principle.

But if you’re going to do it anyway out of familial obligation, do it the Carnival way: Singing a Hootie and the Blowfish song late-night at karaoke just before security escorts you offstage because you got into a fight earlier and they found you because you kept using your sea pass to buy drinks.

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